


Because You Care

by SunandShadowBoth



Series: Because You Care 'Verse [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, End after season four, Family Bonding, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Panic Attacks, Past Suicide Attempts, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, past self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunandShadowBoth/pseuds/SunandShadowBoth
Summary: The rest of the team looks just as shocked as Shiro imagines he must. Keith, their Keith, was going to use his own ship to break through the barrier? It did kind of sound like him but… he was that close to death, and they hadn’t even known.Shiro doesn’t tell them, can’t tell them, that this is not the first time he’s had to live through news like this. It’s not the first time he’s sat on a couch with his head in his hands, waiting for Keith to return. It’s not the first time he’s wondered what he did wrong, what he could have done differently just to make that boy understand that there is someone out there in the wide universe that can love him. It’s not the first time Keith has pushed away only for Shiro to realize that letting him go was the worst possible decision he could have made.When would he ever learn?





	1. Chapter 1

Shiro’s entire body, even the metal arm he thinks, goes cold when Matt tells them what happened while they were trying to find a way to get onto the witch’s ship. Keith still isn’t back to the castle yet, the Blade were having their briefing first and as the only member who had been at the scene at the time, it was required that he be there.

That isn’t what Shiro is upset about. No, he’s upset because Keith said he was done with this.

The rest of the team looks just as shocked as Shiro imagines he must. Keith, their Keith, was going to use his own ship to break through the barrier? It did kind of sound like him but… he was that close to death, and they hadn’t even known.

Shiro doesn’t tell them, can’t tell them, that this is not the first time he’s had to live through news like this. It’s not the first time he’s sat on a couch with his head in his hands, waiting for Keith to return. It’s not the first time he’s wondered what he did wrong, what he could have done differently just to make that boy understand that there is someone out there in the wide universe that can love him. It’s not the first time Keith has pushed away only for Shiro to realize that letting him go was the worst possible decision he could have made.

When would Shiro ever learn?

He realizes the rest of the team is talking to him when Hunk lays a cautious hand on his shoulder, “Hey, Shiro, man, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he answers, but doesn’t pull his hands from his face, doesn’t straighten because if he does the tears are going to be free and he wants to be as together as possible for when Keith gets back.

“We know you’re not,” Lance says softly and there’s a shuffling noise as Lance sits by his feet, “We all care about him too. He’s alive though, he’s alive and he’s coming back and he’s going to get a lecture and then he’s never going to be allowed to leave again.”

“That can be his punishment for thinking he can do something like that without saying goodbye,” Pidge sniffles and Shiro realizes she’s crying, her tears plopping onto the couch next to his leg.

They sit there for a long while. No one moves, or says anything really, except to get angry all over again, or to offer a word of comfort. He’s not positive how much time has passed before the door to the lounge area hisses open and Shiro hears the nearly silent footfalls that he’s come to identify with Keith over these last few months. He used to stomp everywhere, when he was younger, so loud that Shiro had to bitch him out several times over breakfast. Now the kid is practically a ninja.

It’s silent for a moment and then, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Keith’s voice cracks and it's almost like he doesn’t understand why everyone is glaring at him, but he has to know, he has to realize they weren’t going to be happy with him. Shiro finally straightens and Keith almost looks horrified.

“Seriously guys-” he says after a moment when no one speaks, the blood draining from his face as he seems to think of something, “Is Allura…?”

“Allura is fine,” Shiro answers, his voice hollow instead of soothing, “Keith I thought we were done with this.”

Keith looks shocked for a moment and then his eyes widen, “Wha- Oh.”

“‘Oh’ is right,” Lance says, looking furious, “What the hell dude?”

“You told me you were done with this,” Shiro repeats and Keith flinches.

Everyone is staring between them looking confused.

“Done with what?” Pidge asks, her voice nasally and worn from crying.

Keith looks stricken, raising his hands in a placating gesture as he takes in Shiro’s expression, “Shiro, no, it’s not… it’s not what you think, I promise.”

“How is this not like every other time?”

“Because…” Keith has the gall to look frustrated, moving towards the group of huddled paladins. He’s still in his marmora gear, his hood pulled up to partially cover his forehead, “Because it’s not. I was… I thought it was the only way to break through the shield Shiro. I thought it was the only way to save you all and I can’t…”

His words trail off. Everyone is still staring at him, until Hunk whispers, “Dude, we would never want that.”

Anger flashes across Keith’s features but his words don’t reflect it, “I know, I know you wouldn’t but I… I can’t live in a world where you five aren’t alive. I can’t. It would be better to die.”

“Keith…” Lance says, sounding horrified, “No.”

“You’re my family,” Keith sounds small, then, glancing between all of them like he’s afraid they’re going to tell him to leave, “I couldn’t… I had to save you.”

Shiro still hasn’t said a word, is still staring at Keith with a look that he knows is suspicious, but he can’t help it because he’s heard this before. Has heard Keith tell him that he just wanted to save Shiro the pain of dealing with him, that he just didn’t want to live in a world where everyone abandoned him. Has had almost this exact conversation with him while standing at the edge of a rooftop, trying to calculate how he’s going to catch the younger boy before he takes that step. Has heard Keith say it would be better to die as he sits with his back against the wall, his eyes drooping from whatever pills he’d taken this time. He thought they were okay. Thought that after years of nothing that they’d both improved, that they’d found a way through the worst of it, that Keith was going to be okay.

He was wrong, he was so wrong and he’d almost lost his little brother again because of it.

“Shiro,” Keith is almost pleading, one hand creeping up to clasp as his elbow like he always does when he’s anxious, “Shiro, it wasn’t like that. I promise, I swear, you have to believe me. I just… I wanted you all to live and I didn’t know how else to make that happen.”

“Prove it,” his lips are saying and he doesn’t mean those words because he doesn’t want to do this to Keith in front of everyone. He should just wait and ask him in private later, talk to him, really talk to him, like he hasn’t in a while, but his tongue has other plans, “Show me.”

Keith stares at him like he’s never seen him before, panic and frustration flitting across his face. There’s none of the fury that had been there a moment before, none of the fear that Shiro thought would be there. Just acceptance and determination now, as he pulls off his hood, pressing a button on the chest plate of his gear so that it unsnaps from around his torso.

“Keith, what are you-” Lance squawks. Keith doesn’t look at him, just continues to pull of his armor as he says, “I’m proving it.”

Keith slips the Marmora suit off his shoulders and to his waist. He still has that defiant look in his eye as he strips to his undershirt and a pair of compression shorts, kicking the skin tight material of his clothing a few inches away from him so he can stand without hinderance. He crosses his arms over his chest, the new bulk of muscle in his shoulders and upper arms standing out as he heaves a sigh and yanks up the edge of his black t-shirt to reveal the toned skin of his stomach.

Pidge makes a small noise of distress but relief shoots through Shiro so quickly he’s afraid he’s going to turn boneless and melt to the floor. The old scars are there, faded but still a shimmery white against the light tan of the rest of his complexion. There’s no new red lines marring his flesh, no pink crisscrosses, no sign that he’d been cutting again. Keith had always hid it well. He’d never leave a mark where it was easily visible.

Keith rolls his shoulders, looking mildly uncomfortable as he surveys Shiro’s body posture. He hesitates for a second and then asks lowly, “I can take it off if it would make you feel better?”

Shiro shakes his head, but Keith is moving anyway, pulling at the legs of his shorts so that the tops of his thighs are visible. There’s marks there too, deeper and bunched in awkward ropes of tissue that haven’t disappeared even after all this time. There’s a few in particular, that Shiro doesn’t remember, they’re fresher but still old. He raises an eyebrow and Keith’s expression takes on that pinched look again.

“Look that was after they said your ship crashed and I… had a bad couple of days, but I promise that was the last time. That was _years_ ago Shiro.”

Keith yanks his clothing back down, looking awkward as no one says anything. After a heartbeat he starts to pull his armor back in place, tugging the tight fabric over defined calves as he begins to talk.

“Look I know you guys are pissed and I understand but I did what I had to and I don’t regret it.”

He’s yanking it over his chest now, not meeting anyone’s eyes as he snaps the breastplate on, “I get if… if you don’t want me to stay here. The Blades were planning on sharing the intel we’ve gathered, but I can stay on their ship-”

“No,” Shiro says and it’s a relief, “No, Keith we’re not angry with you.”

Keith looks up in shock, “You believe me?”

He nods and Keith’s stoic expression crumples in relief.

“We don’t want you to stay with the Blades,” Lance says what Shiro is thinking, “Keith we’ve missed you man and to think that you almost… you almost died and you didn’t say goodbye, we don’t want that man, we’d never want that. Please…”

He trails off seeming unsure how to express what he’s feeling and Hunk takes over, “Please don’t sacrifice yourself for us dude, we care way too much about you to be okay with that. We were mad, yeah but… only because we’re worried.”

“I know you guys care, I know you do,” Keith is stammering, “And that’s why I had to do it, because you care and I can’t lose you.”

“Keith you’re our family too,” Pidge is sniffing again and then she’s crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Hunk is crying too and Shiro is pretty sure Lance is wiping at his eyes, “We can’t lose you either.”

Keith seems to be dumbstruck and he’s quiet for a moment before he says, “I know, I know, and I didn’t want to die, I really… I didn’t-”

He’s blinking rapidly and his words kind of choke off and Shiro knows exactly what’s going to happen. Keith wavers for a second, and then his knees give out and he’s on the floor before Shiro can get to his feet and catch him.

Everyone is staring at him in shock and disbelief but Keith is oblivious to them all. He’s staring straight ahead, horror in his gaze, “I… I thought I was-”

And then he’s sucking in huge gulps of air. Shiro moves to sit in front of him, blocking his view, “Keith.”

“I’m fine,” Keith grunts and there’s a titter of hysterical laughter behind him as the rest of the team moves forward, “I’m fine.”

“Keith look at me,” Shiro says anyway and wide violet eyes dart to meet his, barely concealed terror behind them, “You’re alive.”

“I’m alive,” Keith repeats like a broken record, but he doesn’t seem to believe it as he heaves a sigh and then just… stops breathing.

Shiro sighs and tries not to get annoyed as Lance starts to panic behind him, swearing in Spanish as he tells Keith to _breathe damn it_ and Pidge is crying for Shiro to explain what’s wrong, what’s going on and Hunk races out of the room to find Coran. He counts down from forty and sure enough Keith passes out, his eyes rolling back into his head as he falls limp.

“Guys,” Shiro says loudly, and everyone stops, “He’s fine. Just a little freaked. Wouldn’t you be?”

“Yeah but… is he okay?” Pidge asks tearfully and Shiro nods.

“He’s just tired. He can sleep it off in the healing ward. I’ll let him explain when he wakes up, alright? For right now, why don’t you all get some much needed rest? If any of you are half as exhausted as me I can’t believe you’re still awake,” he says with a small smile and that action seems to have more effect than any of his words as the rest of the team slowly relaxes.

“Yeah,” Lance doesn’t sound like he’s completely convinced, but he stands anyway, looking wrecked, “I guess a nap for all of us is a good idea. It’s been a long day.”

He steers Pidge out of the room and he hopes one of them has the sense to find Hunk before the poor yellow paladin works himself into an anxiety attack of his own. Shiro grunts as he slings Keith over his shoulder in an awkward fireman’s carry, careful with his metal arm.

“You’re going to be just fine…” Shiro whispers and he isn’t sure if he’s trying to reassure himself or the unconscious Keith as he leaves behind an empty room.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me and will now be part two of three. Oops.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Approximately three minutes and forty two seconds later, Keith startles awake in Shiro’s arms. Shiro hasn’t been staring at his watch,, it hadn’t been anything like that, but the arm that had the time keeping device wrapped around just so happened to be situated directly in front of his face while he carries Keith. And if he looks at it a little too often with a little too much anxiety, then sue him. 

He feels Keith shift but they’re almost to the infirmary so he ignores the quiet gasp of, “Shiro put me down,” and barrels into the crisp white space behind the door labeled with some Altean symbols he’s never learned to read. Hunk and Coran are already inside, Hunk is trying to explain the situation between hiccuping breaths but both stop dead when they realize who walked through the entrance. 

“He’s fine,” Shiro says, grunting when Keith elbows him in the side of the face. The younger boy doesn’t seem to be quite aware of where he is or what’s going on or why he’s being held captive by Shiro’s iron grip, “See, the little shit still has wonderful aim.”

He tries to make a joke but no one laughs and he sighs. He doesn’t know why he bothers. His chest still feels heavy because damn it, he almost lost his little brother today,  _ again,  _ a voice whispers in the back of his mind, but Keith is alive and that’s what’s important. 

He sets the struggling kid onto a cot. Keith lands with a quiet groan of pain, blinking slowly up at the ceiling for one heartbeat and then two before his purple eyes clear and the events of the previous twenty minutes seems to come flooding back. 

“Ugh,” he says and lets his head fall back against the pillow, looking exhausted.  

“Ugh,” Shiro agrees and Keith’s gaze darts to his. 

Keith straightens on the bed and then looks away, “I didn’t…. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Is it ever?” Shiro crosses his arms over his chest. Keith’s expression turns guarded and Shiro realizes he probably appears angry or worse, disappointed, so instead he moves closer to the cot and makes himself loosen up. 

“I know but it’s been  _ so long,”  _ Keith scrubs one gloved hand through his hair and then turns back towards

Shiro, his expression unreadable and Shiro isn’t surprised to see frustrated tears in Keith’s eyes. Keith blinks and then they’re gone like they were never there to begin with. 

“Keith,” Shiro says slowly, because he wants him to remember this, he wants the boy in front of him to know he isn’t angry that he’s kind of… proud almost, in a weird way. It isn’t until this moment that he actually realizes just how far the both of them have come in the past five years, “You almost died. No one would be okay after that.”

Keith looks away, down, staring at his hands, “Everyone saw?”

“Yes,” Shiro answers and resists the urge to see what Hunk and Coran are doing. He doesn’t see them in

his periphery and he wonders if they left to give them some privacy.  __

Keith’s expression turns to something Shiro is all too familiar with, that expression of self disgust and apprehension all at the same time and Shiro can almost hear what is passing through the big brain hidden under his mop of black hair. 

“Keith, they just want you to be okay.”

He doesn’t speak for a moment and then he nods, “I know.”

“So why are you upset?”

“I’m no-” he begins and then cuts himself off with a grumble before trying again, “I don’t want them to worry.”

“You can’t control how they feel-” Shiro begins and Keith shoots him a weary smile. 

“I can only control how I react, I know Shiro, I was at those sessions too.”

There’s more to it, more he’s not saying, but his eyes are starting to blink slower and lose focus and Shiro doesn’t want to push it in case keith decides he’s going to stay awake just to spite everyone. Definitely wouldn’t be the first time it happened. 

Keith shifts on the mattress like he’s trying to stay alert but his shoulders are losing their tension and Shiro watches his jaw clench as he stiffens a yawn. 

“Tired?”

“No,” Keith mumbles, but his gaze is wandering in the way that tells Shiro he can’t quite figure out what

he’s supposed to be looking at. Once he started to go, the kid went fast. It was getting him to that point that was the issue. 

“Well, I’ll tell Coran to lower the lights anyway,” Shiro drawls casually, “Just in case.”

“Just in case?” Keith asks as if he doesn’t quite believe what Shiro is saying, as if he thinks he’s being tricked, “I’m really not… I’m-” he yawns for real this time, his mouth widening to show straight blocky teeth, “I’m not tired.”

But the next time his eyes close, they don’t open again and Keith slides into a posture that is more relaxed than Shiro thinks he can remember him being since weeks before he left for his Marmora mission. His head lolls to the side and a bit of his long unruly hair falls across his nose in a severe black line. Shiro hesitates for a moment, knowing that Keith will assume the worst if he wakes alone, but he need to check up on the rest of the team. He waits until he’s sure that Keith’s chest is rising and falling in a steady slow rhythm before he stands, moving as quietly as possible as he can towards the huge double doors he’d shoved his way into just a few minutes before. 

When he steps into the hall, he’s surprised to find everyone waiting, even Allura, who must have finished the wormhole jump. Lotor was supposed to be meeting them in a nearby neutral system in two days, or quintants or whatever, away from the rest of the Galran Empire and the Voltron Alliance alike He didn’t want to think about that right now, or how the team was going to react. Keith… he was going to want to be there, and as much as Shiro wanted him away from that kind of stress right now, he knows it’s going to be damn near impossible to stop him. 

“Is he okay?” Hunk asks first and then they’re all talking at once, in loud anxious voices. 

Shiro holds his hands up, waving them in a motion that pushes them back from the door a few feet, “Shh, guys, he’s asleep.”

Lance looks shocked at that and turns to stare at Hunk, “Keith’s asleep? I thought that guy didn’t need to sleep like the rest of us. He and Pidge were the unholy night terrors of the castle!”

He’s joking, everyone knows, and Shiro resists the urge to tell him  _ now isn’t the time  _ because maybe it was the time. Pidge cracks a smile and Hunk rolls his eyes and even Allura shakes her head in disbelief. 

“Well, he’s asleep now,” Shiro follows up and continues to move everyone away from the entrance to the healing ward, “So keep it down.”

“Got it,” Lance salutes and everyone else nods in agreement. 

“What’s going on Shiro?” Pidge asks after a moment of awkward silence and even though he knew this question was coming he still doesn’t have an answer. 

“Keith… Look, he doesn’t do emotion well, right? So sometimes, when something like this happens it all kind of catches up to him at once and he… doesn’t know how to handle it, I guess. And then what you saw happens.”

“You mean a panic attack,” Pidge says, straightening her glasses, looking frighteningly mature for a freshly turned sixteen year old, “That’s what that was Shiro. He had a panic attack and we didn’t even know he got them to begin with.”

He sees the anger then, in the rest of them, but knows it's only because they’re scared and confused because Keith said he trusted them. If that was the case, why wouldn’t he tell them something like this?

“In his defense, he doesn’t get them often,” Shiro shrugs and reaches his flesh hand up to scratch at the back of his neck, “This was kind of a… rare occurrence.”

“He almost died!” Lance protests, “It’s understandable! I just… he’s okay?”

“He’s fine,” Shiro reassures again, because he thinks it’s mostly true, “Why don’t you all get some rest until he wakes up?”

There’s the chorus of nods again, but just as the group turns almost as one towards their bedrooms, Pidge pauses, “Shiro… what about the rest of it?”

He knows what she means, but it's not his place to answer, “Why don’t you ask him that when he’s conscious.”

She nods, looking troubled, but follows the rest of the team. Matt is standing at the end of the hall, looking vaguely uncomfortable as Pidge latches her arms around him. Shiro knows that it’s not because he’s being touched by Katie, and more of the fact that he probably feels like a bit of an outsider. He doesn’t know Keith well, doesn’t understand how the team operates with their red paladin back. He’s only been around while Keith’s been gone and while they had some experience with each other during some of the battles, it hasn’t been extended. 

Matt hasn’t been there to see them when they’re whole, when they’re a family and Shiro thinks it might be a little strange for him to see his little sister and former pilot in the thick of it. 

“He’s okay?” Matt asks anyway and Shiro’s respect for him, if possible, flies up another notch. 

“I think so,” Pidge says quietly, her face buried in her brother’s loose fitting rebel gear, “We’re going to find out for sure when he wakes up.”

Matt doesn’t look convinced, his face twisted in worry, “Okay. It’s just-”

He cuts his words off as everyone stops to look at him. 

“He was so close. He was really going to do it and I thought…” he trails off, pulling Katie tighter against him. 

_ He thought he was going to have to come back and tell his little sister that someone she had come to consider like family had been killed.  _ Shiro can picture it, so perfectly in that moment, Matt standing in the doorway of the lounge while they wait for Keith to return and instead of telling them that Lotor had actually managed to save Keith, he chokes out _ , “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” _

He can see the way Pidge’s face would crumple, the way she’d slowly cave in on herself like she had the few times her leads on Matt had turned to dead ends. He can picture Hunk’s despair, the tears, the hurt because he wouldn’t understand  _ why.  _ He can see Lance’s anger, see the mask he’d let slide in place until he couldn’t do it anymore and no one would be able to put the pieces back together. He can see Allura’s loss, her grief for the fact that she continued to lose those she considered to be like family and Coran’s quiet sort of sadness that would speak louder than actual words. 

He can see it all, standing before his team. Can feel how it would feel if Keith had really died. 

Someone gently touches his shoulder and he blankly turns to see Allura, her hand moving to touch his face with a hesitant quality he hasn’t seen from her before, “Are you back with me?”

“I-” the team is gone. It’s only him and the princess, “What-?”

His voice sounds hoarse and he winces. 

“You lost yourself for a moment,” Allura says softly. He knows that this is how she conceptualizes his flashbacks but it wasn’t a flashback, he doesn’t think. Just a horrible moment of what could have been.. 

“Yeah,” he answers, instead of explaining and she sighs. It’s strange, because he’s almost expecting Keith to be the one to make a disgruntled noise, not someone feminine. Keith had figured out what was going on first, Keith had been the one to help him handle these things, to ease the guilt of when they happened in battle. The rest of the team had stepped up since then, when they realized they didn’t have to be scared of him, but Keith was always a constant. It helped that they’d known each other before, before all this madness and the Galra, helped that his face was familiar no matter what time he thought he was returning to after.  

“The rest of the team has gone off to bed. You should join them,” she murmurs, stepping back and crossing her arms over her middle, “We all need to rest after that fight.”

He’s exhausted. She is too, he can tell. He hesitates for a second, worry for Keith breaking through his melancholy over what almost occurred and he debates about heading back into the hospital ward and sleeping there.

Allura seems to follow his train of thought because she steps forward to gently touch his arm again, “Coran gave him something to make sure he gets enough rest. He won’t wake for at least several more hours.”

He isn’t sure if he trusts that calculation, but lets Allura lead him back towards his room anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking about potentially doing a part two with this fic, involving how the rest of the team handles learning about Keith's past? If there's interest in it, I've got a couple ideas I can further develop. It would probably not be a gen fic, as I'd add some Klance or Shallura possibly as well.  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I don't really have an excuse for why this took so long to upload but here it is! Also, there will be a part two! No guarantees as to when it will be posted, but hopefully ASAP.  
>  Thank you all for reading!

He’s being woken what feels like three minutes later by Pidge, standing over his bed like the tiny avenger goddess he always knew she was. He almost screams and then checks himself because he’d never, ever live that down. It takes a minute for him to remember why she looks so serious, but when it all comes flooding back he’s out of his blankets and into the hall before his brain recognizes that he’s moved.   
“Shiro, calm down, he’s fine. Just awake is all,” Pidge says from where she’s trotting across his spotless floor, her hair still mussed from sleep, “Coran is with him.”  
They make their way to the med bay in almost silence before the green paladin lays her hand on Shiro’s prosthetic arm. He stops, glancing down at her in surprise until Pidge murmurs, “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine, Pidge,” he answers, meaning it. Everyone’s alive, everyone is safe.   
“Good. It’s just… I know that sometimes when bad things happen, you kinda go away for a while and I just… I don’t know if anyone’s ready to handle that right now,” she says it all in a rush, like she’s afraid he’s going to get angry or hurt but he knows what she’s saying is true.   
“I know. I promise Pidge, I’m fine.”  
“Okay. Good. I’m glad, Shiro,” she murmurs and then her small arms are wrapped around his middle and they’re hugging. He doesn’t let go for one heartbeat and the two, only moving once she pulls away.   
“Let’s go find everyone else, huh?” he replies and Pidge offers a small smile.   
“They’re already in the hospital ward. Sorry, you were the last one we woke up, everyone but me  
was too afraid you’d punch them through a wall.”  
“What?!” he exclaims and then cringes as an image of Keith muttering a low oath as he picks himself  
up off the floor in the dim light filters through his memory.   
“I knew you wouldn’t hurt me,” Pidge beams up at him and he bites down on the bit of guilt that tries to leak through. They’re not scared of him, not really, he knows that, and Pidge is mostly joking, but it still worries him sometimes. They would tell him if there was a problem, Pidge most of all. She was all for saying the wrong thing at the right time if she saw it achieving a good outcome.   
“Is he talking yet?” Shiro asks. A spike of apprehension ices down his spine as he contemplates walking in on the middle of Keith answering a bombardment of questions, bewildered and overwhelmed, but it’s quickly chased by relief when Pidge shakes her head.   
“Na, we were all waiting to go in after you. Coran alerted us that his vitals showed he was waking up only like five minutes ago, and he hasn’t really moved yet.”  
Shiro isn’t surprised. Before Keith had begun to live in the barracks at the Garrison, he’d slept in as late as Shiro would let him. Lance had found no shortage of humor in the fact that both he and Keith were more similar than either of them liked to admit. It’d been trained out of him to the most part, to the point where Keith would often be awake and on the warm up deck before Shiro had even unglued his eyelids, but old habits die hard. Especially after something like the events of yesterday.   
He has to stifle a laugh when he sees the rest of the team anxiously clustered outside the doors to the med ward. Coran is standing in front of the entrance with his arms crossed over his chest, probably trying to block the window as both Hunk and Lance try to peer inside. He knows they aren’t trying to be obnoxious, they’re just concerned, but Allura may have missed that fact because she’s lecturing them on the meaning of privacy in a hushed, barely understandable whisper.   
Matt still hovers on the outskirts, a small smile on his face that widens when he catches sight of Pidge and Shiro. Katie bounces on her feet once, then twice, glances up at Shiro and then stays right where she is, much to his surprise, and Matt’s too, if the look on his face is any indication. He thinks they must have shared some kind of secret sibling gesture or look because Matt’s grin softens and he nods in Shiro’s direction.   
He isn’t quite sure what to make of that, but he moves towards the group anyway, interrupting Allura’s, “Lance, honestly, the poor boy needs space-” with just his presence. The humor of this fact is not lost on Lance, who gives him a look that is somehow both sly and grateful.   
“Alright, let me just go in and see how he is, okay? Make sure he actually wants to see all of you before everyone crowds in,” Shiro says and immediately regrets his phrasing when Hunk whips around to stare at him.   
“He might not want to see us?” he says, wringing his hands, “But I made him breakfast. I mean, I was going to make sure he was hungry, of course, not like I was going to force feed him but-”  
“I’m sure he’ll want to see everyone,” Shiro reassures, “And I can pretty much guarantee he’ll want breakfast, but all of us at once can be kind of a lot. You know how Keith is around people.”  
He tries to make it a joke instead of sounding like he’s educating them on the person they’d considered to be basically a brother to them for the past few months, year, actually, but it seems almost like in their anxiety everyone seems to have forgotten key things about Keith’s personality. Like the fact that he sucked at basic human interaction, and having to attempt it with six concerned people at once after just waking might be something he may not want to do.   
Allura frowns at his last comment as if he’s being unfair, but the rest of the team just grins like it’s their little inside secret. Everyone had been a lot more understanding about Keith’s social blunders after they’d heard his vlog and a bit more of his past had come to light. Shiro had known, of course, but the rest of the team hadn’t, and just that little bit of information had brought them all closer as a group. It was easier to overlook Keith’s grumpy attitude when you knew it wasn’t because he disliked you, but because he did.   
He takes a deep breath then moves past Coran and into the med bay, prepared for literally anything. Instead of the war zone he expects, he find Keith stretched out on his side on the cot with a massive red blanket covering almost all of him. There’s a bit of his nose showing and part of his upper lip maybe, Shiro thinks, the blanket rising and falling with the smooth motion of his breathing.   
There’s a soft sigh and then Keith murmurs, “Did you bring breakfast?”  
Shiro can’t help the grin that spreads across his face, “Na, but Hunk mentioned that he made something if you want it.”  
“Hunk?” Keith is quiet for a moment and then grunts, “Am I in the hospital?”  
“No. Well, yes. Kind of? You’re in the pod room in the Castle Ship.”  
“Good,” he sighs, and shifts slightly under the blanket, “Good.”  
He’s silent again for a long moment and Shiro wonders if he’s even really awake, “Do you want Hunk to bring food? The others are waiting to say hello too. They’ve got a few questions.”  
Keith groans and stretches, the tips of tufts of black hair slowly becoming visible. HIs motion is halting and hesitant as he pulls the blanket away from his face, revealing rumpled black hair and bleary purple eyes that wander until they find Shiro, “Food.”  
“Got it,” he gives Keith a thumbs up, and the kid blinks so slowly Shiro isn’t sure he’s going to open his eyes again. He’s still struggling to back to alertness, clearly, and Shiro backs out of the room slowly, spinning to the face the team as soon as he’s through the doors.   
Immediately he’s bombarded with questions, but Shiro ignores them all, “He’s still waking up guys, calm down. Hunk, I think breakfast is an excellent idea, thank you for thinking ahead.”  
Hunk practically turns into a beam of sunshine, rushing off toward the kitchen. It’s funny to him that the others look to him for direction when Hunk is the one who tends to keep everyone functioning. He’d forget to feed them if Hunk didn’t insist on making at least dinner every evening.   
He’s back in record time, holding a steaming plate of goo that looks vaguely like scrambled eggs and some tubers that have been cut to look like bacon strips. Shiro gives him a grateful nod and then pauses, staring into everyone’s expectant gazes.   
“Just… another minute, okay? I’ll come get you as soon as he’s less out of it.”  
“Out of it?” Pidge pipes up, her small brow furrowed, “He’s been waking up for… forever!”  
“Well…” Shiro hedges, glancing at Coran, “Coran gave him something to help him sleep and it takes him a bit to shake that kind of stuff of sometimes. Remember how long it took for him to figure out where he was after we put him in the pod because of his marmora trial injuries? It’s like that.”  
Pidge’s forehead smoothes and she darts a glance at her brother, “Kinda like how Matt is loopy for like hours after anesthesia?”  
Matt’s face turns red and he glares daggers at his sister, “Katie, we promised we’d never mention that. Ever.”  
“You told me if I said anything you wouldn’t put a good word in with the garrison, but considering I got in on my own, and now I’m a Voltron Paladin, I think the deal is null and void!”   
Shiro misses whatever Matt says in response because he’s shouldering his way back into the med bay, the plate balanced between his palms as he makes his way down to the last bed in a row of five. Keith is sitting up now, holding his ribs and staring blankly down at his toes as they wiggle under the blanket.   
“I brought food, courtesy of Hunk,” Shiro says with a flourish, and Keith glances up at him, accepting the plate without a word. His eyes are red rimmed and still tired looking. Shiro wonders how much sleep he gets when he’s with the Blade, but squashes the feeling of protectiveness that threatens to swamp him. Keith’s an adult. He can take care of himself.   
“Thanks,” he says and eyes the eggs for a moment before picking up the bacon look alikes and chowing down like there’s no tomorrow, “Damn, this is good.”  
“You’ll have to let Hunk know.”  
Keith’s gaze darts to his midchew. He swallows thickly then says, “Uh, right. Is he… ya know… about yesterday?”  
His hands make some vague kind of gesture in the air, one of them still holding a slice of bacon and if Shiro hadn’t practically raised the kid he would have had no idea what he’s referring to. But he does and he can’t help his smile.   
“Na, they’ll all waiting for you in the hallway. I said I’d talk to you first, see if you’re up to it-”  
Keith ducks his head and rips off another piece of bacon with his teeth, his other hand moving back to where it had been clasped tightly against his chest, effectively shutting down the conversation without saying a word.   
“Ribs hurt?” he guesses, changing the topic with a practiced ease and Keith seems to shrink further into himself, “Look, I know in the Blades pain is weakness or whatever, but don’t you think you’ve put these guys through enough without making them worry that your injured on top of it?”  
Keith’s expression turns guilty, which was not what Shiro wanted, but if it gets the kid to let Coran wrap his ribs, then it’s worth it.   
“Let me get Coran,” he’s saying and he’s barely taken a step toward the large double doors when everyone bursts through at once, chattering loudly and teasingly shoving one another to get a better view of Keith, who is staring at the crowd with a barely concealed look of horror. Shiro panics for a second, thinking this is not going to go well, but then Keith’s face splits into a massive grin as Pidge shouts, “Youngest calls dibs on a hug first!”  
He’s still grinning as everyone masses around the bed. Shiro is about to warn Pidge not to actually hug Keith because he may or may not be hurt but the green paladin seems to know somehow and instead climbs up onto the bed next to him, pulling her knees up to her chest as she asks him about the huge Galra gun he’d used during the battle. Hunk is staring questioningly at the eggs still left on Keith’s plate. Keith hesitates for a moment, then shovels down a mouthful, smiling at Hunk as he chews.  
“Guys, I told you to wait outside-” Shiro interrupts the noise, and Lance throws his hands up into the air.   
“There was only so long we could wait, Team Leader, I mean-”  
“Lance-” Allura reprimands but Keith says hesitatingly, “It’s alright, really.”  
Shiro lets the breath he’d hadn’t know he’d been holding out in a long hiss of sound, “Keith you need your ribs wrapped.”  
“Coran can do that with everyone here,” Keith insists, his purple eyes finding Coran’s at the end of his bed, “Right?”  
“I have no problem with that!” Coran’s moustache twitches as he wriggles around Allura and makes his way to a cabinet at the end of the long room. The entire space is situated like a half circle, the first, straight section full of cots and the rest a curve of pods.   
“You’re hurt?” Pidge questions, her voice small as she turns to study Keith’s face, “Why don’t we just stick you in a pod?”  
“No,” Keith shrugs and winces, “They’re just a little bruised.”  
Shiro opens his mouth to ask how that had happened, but he’s interrupted by Coran’s return, “Shirt off, and Number Five, if you would, could we have some space?”  
Pidge obligingly slides off the bed. Her feet touch the ground for about a half second before she levers herself back onto the cot next to Keith’s feet, her small face scrunched in worry. Keith hesitates for the barest of instances and then slowly yanks his shirt over his head.   
There’s deep purple marks crossing his chest from his shoulder down to his waist. They don’t travel as far as his hips, and are lighter the further down they appear, but across his sternum there’s an “X” that appears to be the worst of it. While it looks nasty, Shiro knows it’ll probably fade in a day or two. There doesn’t seem to be any damage to Keith’s ribs, and he’s moving with only minimal discomfort.   
“It was from the Galra harness,” Keith says when Lance looks like he’s going to ask how such a strange pattern appeared, “In the ship I was flying. When Lotor blew up the ship, I had to stop suddenly and my ship was thrown backwards a bit. I wasn’t strapped in as well as I should have been and pretty much the only reason I didn’t go flying was because of the shoulder harness.”  
He sounds subdued, awkward, like he isn’t sure why he’s explaining all of this. The rest of the team looks relieved, though. Shiro knows they have a lot of questions, and if Keith is supplying answers on his own already it means that this might not be as painful of a process as Shiro thinks.   
There’s still marks on Keith’s stomach, lines of scar tissue that are silvery in the florescent like glow of the overhead lights. They’re almost unnoticeable now unless caught from the right angle. They stripe across his lower abdomen and his hips, mostly, although there are a few nearly obscured by the bruising at his ribline. Shiro can remember when they were fresh and deep and he’d panic, every time. Keith lifts his arms with a grunt and the long gash that had put the kid in his first psych hospital becomes visible. He’d kept ripping out the stitches until the nurse decided neither she or Shiro was equipped to handle him and had sent him to an inpatient facility.   
He’d only been there for a week, but Shiro had visited everyday after work. There’d been three more placements after that, each longer than the last. Shiro wasn’t sure what it was about the last one, but something changed during the month and a half that Keith had been forced to live there. He’d been fifteen at the time. The place had actually asked Shiro to participate in the therapy, and it seemed like Keith had finally understood that Shiro had never thought of him as a burden, never seen him as something holding him back. They made each other better, that’s what brothers did.   
They’d had almost two years after that where they’d struggled to find a new balance, where they’d finally figured out some semblance of a normal life and then Shiro had left for Kerberos. When he’d left, he hadn’t been entirely sure what he’d come back to, but then he’d been captured. He’d spent a year in those cells, trying to get back to earth, even if it was just for a moment to make sure that his brother was okay. And then Keith had rescued him, Keith, who was not the broken kid he’d been worried he’d return to. Sure, he’d been kicked out of the Garrison, for fighting a superior officer, no less, but he’d continued to be the best in his class until the end. And instead of falling back into his old patterns, he’d formed new ones, had been looking for Shiro and most of all, had taken care of himself. He grew up, in those years, grew up to be the person, the leader, that was sitting before him. Sure, Keith had his rough spots, and there were days when he’d forget to eat, or wouldn’t sleep as much as he should, but he didn’t need Shiro anymore.   
And as sad as that was, as much as it hurt, it was a good feeling. Even if Keith didn’t need him, Shiro would always be there just in case, just like he knew Keith was there for him. They were alright. They probably would stay that way, Shiro realizes suddenly.  
He’s broken from his train of thought by Pidge asking in a small voice, “What happened yesterday?”  
Keith takes a shuddering breath as he meets Shiro’s eyes over the top of Pidge’s head, and the green paladin turns, looking at him in question.   
Shiro doesn’t say anything, but he nods in reassurance and Keith shifts slightly to let Coran adjust a long white bandage across his torso, “So… you all know my mom left when I was little. I think she was the one who had Galran blood, although I suppose if I look human, my dad could too.”  
Oh, he was starting at the beginning. This was going to be interesting.   
“I probably should have told you guys all of this a while ago, but I dunno… I just wanted a fresh start, I guess. Where I didn’t have to worry about people reading into every little thing all the time.”  
Shiro knows this is something he does, but he refuses to feel bad about it. It’s kept Keith alive more than once. He knows it’s irritating to Keith sometimes, but it’s also welcome a lot and as long as that remains true, Shiro isn’t going to try and change.   
“Uh… so I guess...” Keith stiffens, letting Coran move around him. Shiro thinks it might be easier for him to talk when he doesn’t have to focus on the fact that there are so many people around him, all with their attention on him and what he’s saying. The fact that he’s even willing to do this shows a lot. A few years ago, he would have just sat silently on the bed. Now though, there’s a sense of responsibility on Keith’s shoulders. This is his team, his family. Working closely with the Blade of Marmora doesn’t change that, it just means he’s making room to include others, something else Keith wouldn’t have done a couple years, or even a few months, ago.   
Keith blows out a puff of air and his bangs flop up and settle back across his nose, “I mean… Okay, well, my mom left and it was just me and my dad until I was eight. He died, in a car accident. I was put into foster homes after that, a couple of them that weren’t really that great. I dunno, I was angry all the time, got into fights a lot and then one of the kids at the group home I was staying at when I was ten showed me how to stop hurting others all the time and uh, hurt myself instead, I guess. That worked, for a while. I felt better, but it really wasn’t… better? It was just covering up what I really was angry and upset about and it wasn’t… good. I didn’t know that at the time though so um.”  
Keith’s ears are starting to turn red, and he looks ready to bolt, but he can’t because he’s still tangled up in the bandage Coran is winding around him. It’s both a blessing and curse at this point. Shiro isn’t sure what would be best, if he were to stop now or continue on.   
His voice is higher than usually as he says, “Yeah, anyway, I did that for a while and then I uh, ended up in a bad place, a house that was… it just wasn’t good and I was willing to do anything to get out of there. I…yeah, I guess you could say I did. I was in the hospital for a while after… that happened, I didn’t have any permanent damage or anything, but that’s when Shiro’s family decided to adopt me. I was twelve and Shiro was eighteen, he’d already been out of the house living at the Garrison for a few years and his parents wanted someone else to take care of. Shiro’s mom was a psychologist so she thought it would be a good idea to help a trauma kid but I mean, I was a handful.”  
The words ‘trauma kid’ roll off Keith’s tongue like they means nothing, and by now, it really doesn’t mean much to either him or Shiro. It’s just a label that they give troubled kids with unsavory pasts. It’s not who Keith is. Everyone else though, flinches, like it confirms what they’ve all suspected about his tragic backstory.   
“So I lived with them for about a year and a half or so, and I… I mean, I really was that emo kid who sat in the back and cut, but I didn’t really do anything serious. It was a great year, but then-” Shiro could tell Keith was uncertain of how to proceed, of what to say, of how to approach this subject that had long been something touchy. Shiro didn’t want to talk about it, but he knew they needed to, knew this was something that Keith had to get off his chest. He wanted to be closer with these people that were sitting around them, and if Shiro was being honest with himself, he wanted that too.   
“Then my parents died,” Shiro spoke into the awkward silence and everyone’s head’s spun to stare at him, wide eyed, “I was nineteen when they were hit by a drunk driver, and Keith was thirteen. After they passed, I came home for two years and I became Keith’s legal guardian since my parents had adopted Keith. I’d graduated by then, got a job at the garrison and moved Keith out there with me.”  
“I switched schools, lost another set of parents and now Shiro was supposed to take care of me when he was trying to get further pilots training so he could get an actual job. I just… I didn’t want to be a burden on him, you know? He was dealing with a lot of shit, and I thought if I removed myself from the equation, his life would be better.”  
“Spoiler alert,” Shiro interrupts, “It wouldn’t have been.”  
Keith’s lips quirk up into a smile for a brief moment, and he continues with a little more strength in his voice, “I uhm… I tried to kill myself like seven times or so, I dunno. You lose count after a while.”  
It was eight, but he and Keith always argued about the one where he’d found Keith covered in blood on the bathroom floor. Keith insists it was an accident, that he’d just been self-harming and it had gotten out of hand, but he’d still almost died.   
“It went on for about two years. I stopped all of that when I was fifteen. I started talking to the right people, Shiro got through to me somehow, I was taking the right medications, I don’t really know what it was, but I’m different now, I’m not that same person I was when I was younger. I haven’t been like that in years, not since I got the news that the Kerberos mission had crashed and even then it wasn’t anything serious. It doesn’t help me anymore, being that way. I don’t want to go back.”  
This last part is directed toward Shiro, purple irises almost pleading with him to understand. This really hadn’t been his typical pattern. It wasn’t done because he wanted to die, wanted to be out of the scenario. He’d done it because he legitimately thought there was no other way, that in order to save the ones he loved, he’d have to die. However misguided that thought was, however painful it was to know that Keith would go to such lengths to protect them, Shiro knows somehow that this isn’t Keith slipping back into old patterns.   
Shiro isn’t sure if Keith sees doubt in someone’s eyes, or what it is, but he’s still talking, sounding almost short of breath, “I saw a psychologist for like five years, I was off my medication before we came up here so I don’t have to worry about that, I’m not miraculously better now, I know that’s not how it works, but I do know how to handle myself and I’ve got…”  
He trails off and Hunk smiles that huge smile that Shiro has come to identify with him, “You have us.”  
Keith nods, looking a little self-conscious and unsure after basically just spilling his guts like that but there’s not a single one of them who haven’t done something similar already on this magic carpet ride through space that they accidentally signed up for. Shiro, about his time in the Galra prisons, Pidge about her brother, Lance about being homesick and the odd one out, Coran about the same, Allura missing her father and Hunk about his fears. They’ve all got things they’re struggling with.   
Coran tightly straps the bandage against Keith’s chest, and the kid winces, his expression twisting from more than just his ribs, probably. He isn’t sure what to do now, Shiro assumes. He’s not normally this person, this guy who just says what he’s feeling.   
“Please don’t ever do that again,” Pidge says, sounding small at the foot of the bed. She’s a ferocious little beast when she needs to be, and it sometimes makes Shiro forget that she’s just as awkward around people as Keith is, “Just… please.”  
“I can’t promise that,” he answers stubbornly and a burst of noise erupts from the crowd around his bed, “Guys, seriously, I know you care, but it’s because you care so much that I can’t just… I can’t let anything happen to you!”  
“That is not your job,” Allura snaps angrily, brushing a bit of white hair from her brow, “Your job is to stay alive and protect us the best you can in that order. How do you think we would feel if you died because of us?”  
“Keith, we don’t want you to die for us,” Lance chimes in, “We want you to live for us.”  
It’s like Keith gets shot. He falls back against the raised bed, staring at Lance like he just grew a third eye. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, and Shiro knows it’s because those are almost the exact words he had written in his letter to Keith when he’d left for Kerberos.   
Please don’t die because you think it’ll save me trouble. Who am I supposed to tease for the rest of my life if you aren’t alive when I come back? Who will go on that road trip to somewhere tropical with me? I know you tend to jump to the negatives, but I need you to think about how you being alive would make my life so much better than if you were gone.   
All the resistance is pulled from Keith and it’s like he loses just a bit of that dark aura that always seems to follow him around. Just a bit of that impenetrable armor flakes off and floats away, just enough that maybe Keith can see what this means to the rest of the team.   
“Okay,” Keith croaks, rubbing at the corner of his eye and then letting his hand fall against the sheet. His thumb is furiously sliding across the knuckles of his clenched fists and he seems to be stubbornly refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.   
“Okay?” Hunk asks and Keith nods.   
“You promise not to sacrifice yourself for us?” Allura whispers. Shiro wonders if they know they’re all leaning forward in anticipation.   
Keith nods again and there’s a collective sigh of relief. Everyone glances at each other and there’s a brief pause and then they’re all hugging him, pushing as close as they can without hurting his ribs. Shiro stands on the outside for a moment before giving in and joining the pile, trying not to smile as he notices the tears pricking in Keith’s eyes.   
“I promise,” Keith grunts out loud and everyone begins to laugh and talk all at once, covering up the barely audible sound of Keith sniffling. It’s only this sound that prevents Shiro from bursting out into hysterical laughter at Keith’s very loud, very angry, “Damn it, I told myself I wasn’t going to let you guys make me cry!”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: https://becomingshadow.tumblr.com/


End file.
